An Appetite for Humour #7: Thanks for dinner!

Little Jimmy and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Jimmy received his plate, he started eating right away.

“Jimmy, please wait until we say our prayer,” said his dad.

“I don’t have to,” the boy replied.

“Of course you do,” his dad insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”

“That’s our house,” Jimmy explained. “But this is grandma’s house, and she knows how to cook!”

“Cooking lessons” from Kevin of The Office

More insight (??) about food from NBC‘s The Office. This time, a cooking lesson from Kevin Malone.

Learn how to make pseudo quesadillas and creme brulee using food from the vending machine.

If you dare.

See also Funny Food Moments on The Office.

An Appetite for Humour #5: The Parrot Training Course

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and doing anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally John had had enough. In exasperation one day, he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. He shook his fist at the parrot, but the parrot just got angrier and even ruder.

In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arm and said,

“I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued,

“May I ask what the chicken did?”

Tomorrow’s post:
Christmas Countdown: Freezing foods for easy entertaining during the holidays!

An Appetite for Humour #4 – Diary of a Novice Cook

Wish I knew who to credit for this “Diary of a Novice Cook”, formerly titled “Blonde Cookbook”. (I changed the title so as not to slander anyone based on their natural or preferred hair colour, and to protect the innocent!!)

I received this joke via email, of course. Wouldn’t you love to know how many jokes are circulating at any one time?

If you haven’t read or heard this one yet, enjoy!

Diary of a Novice Cook

Dear Diary:

It’s fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake. The recipe said “beat 12 eggs separately”. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said “serve without dressing”, so I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

A good day for rice. The recipe said “wash thoroughly before steaming the rice”. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can’t say it improved the rice any.

Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said “prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving”. Bob didn’t understand why I was rolling around in the garden.

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said “put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it”. There must have been something wrong with the recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. (Oh boy!). For some reason, Bob keeps counting to ten.

Bob’s folks came to dinner today. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

Good Night Dear Diary:
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I’d like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

An Appetite for Humour #3

A nutritionist was addressing a large audience in Toronto.

“The food we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us years ago,” she said. “Fast food is full of salt. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food can be loaded with MSG. There are trans fats in snack foods, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the bacteria in our drinking water.”

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

From the back row came an elderly voice.

“Wedding cake?”

An Appetite for Humour #2

Funnies for Foodies #2

On the head table in the cafeteria, one of the nuns set a big bowl of large, shiny, bright red apples. Beside the bowl, she placed a note which read, “Please take only one. Remember, God is watching.

At the other end of the table was a bowl of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, still warm from the oven.

Beside the bowl was a note scrawled in a child’s handwriting. It read, “Take all you want. God’s watching the apples.”

An Appetite For Humour

Funnies for Foodies #1

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts which he gratefully accepts and enjoys.

After about 15 minutes she taps him on his shoulder again, and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch, he asks her, “Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?”

“We can’t chew them because we have no teeth,” she replies.

Puzzled, the driver asks, “Then why do you buy them?”

The old lady replies, “We just love the chocolate around them.”