I’m one of those oddball Canadians who doesn’t frequent Tim Hortons on a regular basis……probably because I’m not a coffee drinker! I have sipped the occasional iced cappuccino, hot smoothee, or hot chocolate from Timmies, but my visits to this hallowed Canadian institution are rather infrequent.

While in New York City recently I walked past a couple small Tim Hortons restaurants that had just opened. These weren’t the stand-alone establishments with drive thrus we’re used to finding on every other street corner in Canada. These were small coffee shops sandwiched between souvenir shops, clothing stores and hotels on busy streets in Manhattan. I wondered how they would fare in the U.S. and how quickly Americans would pick up the Timmies coffee lingo.

Ordering a beverage at Tim’s – or at just about any other coffee establishment – has always held a kind of mystique for me since the world of double doubles, mocacchinos, grandes and lattes is not one I visit very often.

Luckily for me and all those Americans just being introduced to Tim’s, the Facebook group Tim Hortons Rules of Ordering and More (which boasts over 7,000 members!) has posted a comprehensive list of rules for proper behaviour and ordering at Tim’s. The group is for “everyone who gets fed up with people who don’t know what they want, and for workers who have to put up with this everyday.” Apparently “If people would just listen to these rules when ordering, the world will be a better place.”

For the sake of world peace, you’d be advised to read on…..

Here are some of the rules:

Ordering coffee and tea:

1 cream or milk and 1 sugar or Splenda is called a Regular (not called a single)
2 cream or milk and 2 sugar or Splenda is called a Double Double
3 cream or milk and 3 sugar or Splenda is called a Triple Triple
4 cream or milk and 4 sugar or Spenda is called a Four by Four

Beverage Rules:

– When you want a coffee with no sugar, do not say “no sugar”. It sounds like you’re saying “one sugar”.
– Don’t say you want a triple triple with 2 sugars. That’s what you call a 3 cream 2 sugar.
– If you want milk, say you want milk or it will be made with cream.
– If you don’t say you want anything in your coffee, don’t expect to get anything in it. We can’t read your mind and just know what you want.
– We only carry one kind of milk so don’t ask for something dumb like homogenized milk. We don’t have any.
– Not everyone can have coffee from the top of a pot.

Ordering a Breakfast Sandwich:

– It’s called a Bacon or Sausage Breakfast Sandwich. “McMuffins” are carried at McDonalds, not Tim Hortons.
– When saying you want a breakfast sandwich you will be asked “Bacon” or “Sausage”. Don’t reply with a “yes”. We will only ask you “Bacon” or “Sausage” again.
– If you ask for a breakfast sandwich at 7 at night, think about what you said. The key word is BREAKFAST! Same goes for Hashbrowns.

Drive Thru Rules:

– When you drive up to the speaker box, have your order ready. We don’t carry “Give me a seconds” or “Hold ons”.
– Don’t make us say “Can I help you” five times before you actually start talking.
– Do not yell “Hello…” as soon as you reach the speaker box.
– Have your money ready when you get to the window.
– Don’t park five feet away from the window.
– When you receive everything at the window, leave immediately. Don’t just sit there.
– Grabbing a cup through the drive thru window is simple. If the employee is holding the top of the cup, do not grab for the top of the cup; take the bottom.
– If there is a line up at the drive thru and you’re stuck at the speaker box and the order taker says “drive on up” and you reply with “I would but there is a car in my way”, that’s an old joke. We’ve heard it before so don’t expect a laugh.
– Don’t ask “What kind of donuts do you have?” Come in and look for yourself.
– Please don’t ask for your coffee “to go”. We aren’t going to ask if it’s “for here” or “to go” as you are in a DRIVE THRU. We won’t give you a porcelain mug and make you drink it at the window….although we should.